WOR #5; The Dirty Little Secrets of Long Distance Running

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?  I don’t know.  If a water spicket exists in someone’s front yard and no one is around to see me take a drink, do I?  Yes. 

It is now time to divulge a few dirty little secrets about long distance running.  To an ordinary person these are mere corn stalks.  To a runner, they are bathroom stalls.  Just as discarded newspaper or big flat leaves that don’t look like mittens are the closest thing to toilet paper for miles around.  If I called Weston to come get me every time I had to use the restroom, instead of just when I’m tired or out of time or when the scenery just isn’t cutting it for me, I would never get anywhere.  When I’m out on a long run training for Harry Potter, you can tell how far along I am by the amount of sweat on my shirt and/or if my shoe’s toilet paper has been used up yet.  I’ve also learned from past experience that NOT ALL electrical gadgets will let you sweat on them profusely and wash them with laundry like my iPod does.  Bagging your cell phone before stuffing it in sweaty places is the only way to protect your investment. 

Despite our mutual agreement not to exchange holiday presents, Weston kindly gave me a CamelBak* for Christmas last year.  (Probably as a subtle hint not to call him anymore when I’m thirsty and five miles out.)  I’ve tried using it a couple of times, but the sloshing water is too distracting for me to keep a good rhythm with my legs and I end up cashing in early.  I must resort to different modes for getting my hydration.  Which reminds me…  I’ve been meaning to drop by the local gas stations that I get cups of water from and pay them the handful of dimes that I owe.  Or at least a few dollars for being such good sports about it.  I have keen negotiating skills and an above average smile which enable me to finagle running tabs at all my routes’ watering holes.  I should just ZipLock my own drinking cup and stick it in their bushes or bury it in their flower bed.   

*CamelBak; a specialized backpack that holds a bladder of drinking water

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s