The Soap Box Chronicles Present: Carrot Peelers

The aroma of coffee filled my nostrils as a squirt of grapefruit speckled my cheek.  Dad was sitting beside me at the kitchen table, using his special, bent, burnt orange handled, grapefruit knife to cut sections of fruit free from its thick peel.  The metal spoon clicked gently against my baby teeth whenever he’d share a bite.  My hands were full.  I was peeling carrots.  The wooden table had been covered earlier with overlapping layers of vibrant newspaper comics and now orange shreds of carrot were piled high on Snoopy’s doghouse.  Innocent voices of cartoon characters hummed in the living room.  A pain pulsed in my scrawny, bent, blond-haired pubescent leg, originating where the bones of my ankle met the hard chair.  So I shifted to the other side.  A simple fix.  The coffee maker gurgled.  My vegetable peeler jingled.


Dad began demonstrating to me how dangerously sharp these peelers are. “It’s razor-blade sharp, and if. you. ever…”  I began daydreaming about the Magic School Bus.  “All it takes is one swipe…”  The episode where Arnold eats Seaweedies,  “one inch…” which is a fictional food, “and you’ll cut your finger…”  containing so much carotene that his skin turns orange!  “clean to the knuckle…”  Can you imagine?!? “clean to the bone!”  Your skin turning orange!?  

The next thing that I knew there was shrieking and there was blood.  Blood everywhere, soaking through each layer of The Funnies, pooling when it didn’t absorb fast enough.  The peeler dropped from a frozen hand.  Cool air and salty tears were seeping into the meaty raw muscle of thumb.  Shards of sunlight seemed to sizzle the glassy red flesh as peachy skin dangling heavily by a thread.  Loud sobs rumbled deep from within my chest. It. Was. Horrific.    

Sorry about your thumb Dad.  Lesson learned, if it’s any constellation   

Did you ever hear a story that was told to you so descriptively,  so vividly, that it actually felt like you were there, part of the action?  Have you ever heard a tale or received a warning that was so disturbing it scarred you for life?  I’m not entirely sure that the last part, the gashed thumb part in the preceding story, happened in real life.  But I am sure that I will never, ever, own a carrot/potato/vegetable peeler for the rest of my life!  Thanks to Dad and his Soapbox Chronicles.

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5 Responses to The Soap Box Chronicles Present: Carrot Peelers

  1. ddo says:

    giving your children meaningful examples can be painful at times not to mention expensive …..but …the important part would be….. you learned something …like what Super Glue is really used for…..and how to stay calm in a stressful situation…maybe you sould be an EMT!

  2. Al Bragg says:

    grandpa used to say, “Do what I say not as I do”


  3. Pingback: Happy Birthday LifesLemons, I Folded In Stiff Peaks for You!! | Life's Lemons

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