We’re going green on LifesLemons this Mother’s Day. It’s a cop out really- from buying an overpriced greeting card- but together, we can pretend to be environmentally conscious by going with the term “green” instead of “cheap.” You in? I digress. You see…I’m in the habit of equating expenses with the amount of time that it takes to earn their value. So in order for me to feel comfortable justifying four and a half dollars or 25 minutes after taxes on a greeting card, the card’s content has to be simply perfect and unparalleled. No such luck in finding one this year and it may or may not be due to the fact that I spent all of 3 1/2 minutes searching for one before deciding that sharing a Mother’s Day story could potentially be muuuch better.
At least better than most of my last-minute-Mother’s-Day-ditch-efforts. Once during my pre-teen years on the eve of Mother’s Day, I searched frantically around my bedroom at Dad’s house looking for an adequate gift. I thought, “Would she like this old picture-frame? No, I think she bought it for me. Can I give her my jewelry box? Oh shoot, my name’s engraved on it!” Makeshift or otherwise, the present just had to appear thoughtful and that I’d remembered before 10 pm the night before. Naturally I ended up spraying a pile of Kleenex with some sample perfume before fastening them together with a sad looking green pipe cleaner. This gift, as I’m sure you imagined, was an exceptional one. Exceptionally lame. Yet I’m sure that one day I’ll have a daughter who’ll present me with similar quick-and-dirty masterpieces. Because that’s what it was. A quick and dirty masterpiece. It’ll be just like old times, only I’ll be on the receiving end of this sorry little scandal. Good times. Can’t wait.
Having a car now enables a person to go out and buy decent gifts. Which I did. Yet, as mentioned before, finding cards are a different story. Unless they’re extremely fitting, funny, or say things that I can’t express better they’re useless and quite frankly, a waste. So here we are. Seven minutes (Central Time) before the day after Mother’s Day 2013 confessing our card-lessness and justifying it in a way that trumps the glitter and overpriced card-stock anyway. A blog.
“Hey Mom. Happy Mother’s Day. Love you, Molly & Mason”
Lookout Hallmark, I may be on to something.