How to Celebrate Survival of a Near Death Experience

I could’ve died yesterday.  You may recall, it was gorgeous out.  So I did what any respectable bicycle owner would do-  I slapped on some sunscreen, put on my helmet and left for a nice long ride on uncharted roads in the country.  Why not?  I had time (and daylight) to get lost.

After two hours, I was at a point in the ride where, had it been on a stationary bike, I would have been finished and showered by now.  My water bottle was empty, the iPod was dead and fatigue was starting to set in.  Everything looked the same- field, field, barn. There was an uneasy stillness to the air so I began humming loudly to stay occupied.  All of the sudden, from behind, the deafening blow of an air break jerked me to attention.  The semi, out of nowhere, passed so quickly and closely that I almost crashed into the pavement.  Eventually, the truck slowed to a halt, turned left at the stop sign and revealed his billboard-like trailer advertisement, for Frappuccinos.  That’s when it hit me- I’ve got to make ice coffee when I get home!cap

I arrived back at the apartment, loaded the blender with ice, coffee and milk, and here’s the part where I could’ve died…

The blender lid broke.  Milky coffee, plastic and ice covered everything within a four-foot radius.  My life flashed before my eyes and that’s when it really hit me, “Oh my gosh, I could’ve died!” What if, by holding down the lid, my hand slipped into the blade?!  It would’ve sliced my hand open or chopped my arm off, probably!  The blade could have ejected from the blender and flew into my gut like a ninja’s star throw.  I would’ve bled out on the kitchen floor with drops of caffeine glistening like dew all around.  That would be tragic.

After the kitchen was cleaned up and I stopped fearing for my life, I loaded ice, coffee and milk into the back-up blender. Only this time, I did what any respectable person would do when they celebrate survival of a near death experience-  I added sweetened condensed milk to the coffee and drank my fair share from its gooey can.

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3 Responses to How to Celebrate Survival of a Near Death Experience

  1. ddo says:

    Bonehead! Were you wearing your high viz clothes? Drivers now days need all the help they can get………….wear high viz and pretend they don’t see you…..cause the fact of the matter is most of them don’t till the last 50 yards stay alive …..I’d miss your sweetness………………………………ddo

  2. Pingback: Happy 4th, LifesLemons! | Life's Lemons

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